Greetings Gentle Beings!

Today, I want to let you all know that the little things go a long way. Even the smallest act of love, kindness and service can make someone’s day brighter. To acknowledge another person and their struggles is all most people want. Hell, even to just acknowledge a person’s existence and value their life as you value yours can make a world of a difference. I want to start off by telling you that you matter and you should tell and show other people that they matter too. You never know who might need it.

This brings me to something inspiring that I read today about lesbian visibility/awareness in the late 70’s and early 80’s. Joan E. Biren, a documentary artist and photographer, took it upon herself to travel across the United States to reveal the lives of lesbians like herself that were hidden from society for various reasons. Biren’s 1979 book Eye to Eye: Portraits of Lesbians depicted lesbian life as no one knew it at that time. Here, lesbians are photographed as “mostly doing ordinary, everyday activities” such as tending to their children, mechanical repairs and expressing love to their significant other. Moreover, some of the lesbians photographed passed as heterosexuals in their daily lives.

Biren’s work was pivotal for lesbians of the past. Back then, Biren’s work signified the ever-growing presence of underrepresented identities that were hindered by oppression, discrimination, and homophobia. Her work encouraged lesbians from all walks of life to find a safe haven to love and represent themselves in comfortable and safe ways. Biren wanted women of her time to know that there is imperfection and beauty within lesbianism that is found within the authenticity of capturing the moment—not in the unrealistic perfectionism of lesbians in the media or fetishized lesbian pornography. Biren said herself that she wanted to “show something we could see ourselves in, what our friends and lovers looked like to each other”. Raw. Real. Flawed. Yet Beautiful.

Biren’s work is also a staple for lesbians and all people of the present time. Since homosexuality was heavily frowned upon until more recent decades, Biren’s work was originally exclusive to the lesbian community only. However, as our current society continues to evolve to represent marginalized groups like never before, there is a desperate need for authenticity and boldness. This authenticity and boldness helps people understand the existence of others that may be different from them. It helps people understand that EACH individual can be their own blueprint and that it is okay for others to have their own blueprint. It is okay to be different.

Joan E. Biren’s call to acknowledge lesbianism in such a risky time is the bravest thing she could have done for herself and other women. She moved mountains for people that were scared to move snow (and who could really blame them?). If that is not inspiring to you, I do not know what is.

I ask all of you, My Gentle Beings, to educate yourself about people you may not understand. Educate yourself on homophobia—pronouns—the sexual spectrum—your own flaws as a person. Ask questions to be informed. Be teachable. Teach with love. Let a marginalized individual know that they are heard, seen and respected for who they are. I promise, a little goes a long way.

You never know who might need it.

Article Link: https://www.theguardian.com/artanddesign/2021/feb/15/jeb-lesbian-photographer-eye-to-eye-republished-joan-e-biren

Greetings Gentle Beings!

 

Greetings Gentle Beings!

Today, I want to disclose a piece of who I am with you. This topic is something that many people from different walks of life struggle with every single day. This topic is also something that people conceal about themselves because of judgement, ridicule and hate. I am here to tell you that today, nor any other day, is it necessary to hide or conceal who you are for the comfort of others. This is and always will be a safe space regardless of anyone else’s disagreement. So today, I have decided to be vulnerable with each and every one of you.

This is my sexuality story.

First, I think it is important to note that I identified as heterosexual for most of my adolescent, teenage and adult life. You read that correctly. I used to be HETEROSEXUAL. I previously engaged in intimate and/or romantic relationships with men.

I began to question my sexuality about 3 years ago (around 2018) while I was in a loving and long-term relationship with a man. I started to become “curious”, as they say, about nonheterosexuality. These thoughts made me feel bad because, well, everything in my life and relationships had been comfortable for me. Essentially, I thought I had no reason to be unhappy.

But the reality was—I was unhappy. I simply could not be satisfied with the man that gave me everything I could want and need. Then I began to notice a pattern within all my heterosexual intimate relationships—discontentment. Something was missing, and I knew exactly what it was. I was just too afraid to say it.

One day, I could not hold in how I felt anymore. I had been hinting at my sexual preferences for quite some time with my family and then boyfriend. It was time for me to break the ice. I called my boyfriend at the time and I said: “Hey, I have something to tell you and I do not know how you will take it. But, I am fully confident that I am BISEXUAL.” The other line went silent as I anticipated the absolute worst. I felt the shock and confusion in his voice. I felt his anger and disagreement.

Needless to say, our relationship did not last too much longer after that. It was honestly for the best for both of us. I did not feel the same attraction and love that he felt for me. Him and my previous partners deserve the energy and love they give. Those experiences taught me to accept my past as it was and grow from my mistakes because it will never be erased from my history. And that is also ok.

A year after this realization (around 2019), I engaged in an intimate and romantic relationship with a woman for the first time. I will not share too many details about this relationship, but it was a rollercoaster ride that I was glad to finally get off. However, I will say that the woman in question enabled me to become more in tune with my emotions as well as my sexuality. I never felt passion, adoration and love before her. It was like a fire that I just could not stay away from. At this point in my life, I am thinking: “I am undeniably attracted to this woman.” I did not even want to hide it. That is when I concluded that maybe I was attracted to women more than men. Even still, I was uncertain.

When our relationship ended later that year (2019), I found myself indulging in the self-love and contemplation I never knew I needed. I remained single for some time and occasionally indulged in casual relationships with women. Of course men still pursued me, but I did not take any particular interest in their advances. It was nice to feel wanted, but those men were not what I wanted for myself. I was looking for that spark—that fire I felt before.

After some much-needed self-discovery and self-care, I stumbled upon my lover and best friend the following year (2020). I have been in love with her ever since and I truly believe she is my soulmate. Every relationship has trial and error but this one is the one that is actually worth it. Before this point, I never experienced genuine happiness—genuine freedom—genuine comfort. I never felt so comfortable loving someone out loud and so unapologetically. It was something I WANTED to do—not something I HAD to do. At this point, I experienced a certainty within my sexuality that I never knew before.

Later that year (2020), I was ready. I knew who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted. My decision to identify as LESBIAN came with much thought and consideration driven by MY OWN intrapersonal thought processes. I called my best male friend and I said: “You know what? I am CERTAIN I am a lesbian.” It felt so good to say. It felt so good to realize who I was after all these years of searching for the satisfaction I wanted and needed. It was over. But at the same time, it had only just begun.

I wanted to share this story with you all for several reasons. The biggest reason is to let you all know that SEXUALITY IS FLUID. This means that what you identify as today may be different tomorrow. This does not take away from your validity. Just because I had intimate relationships with men does not give anyone the right to invalid my sexuality. My journey contributes to who I am today. I can be a lesbian today and a bisexual tomorrow and I AM STILL VALID NO MATTER WHAT. We are humans that are meant to change and evolve whenever we want to and see fit. Another reason I shared this story with you all is for you to ACKNOWLEDGE AND BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR PAST. Our pasts may not be pretty, but our futures CAN BE. Finally, I want you all to BE PROUD. The life you get is yours to live. You are not here to please anyone but yourself. Eat what you want to eat. Do what YOU want to do unapologetically. Love who you want to love. If they do not pay your bills tell them to keep their feels! YOU ARE YOU FOR A REASON AND NO REASON AT ALL. OWN IT!

This is a tapestry I bought from Amazon around May of last year. I decided to put this tapestry in my living room for incoming visitors to see. To me, this photo and tapestry symbolizes not only the normalization of marijuana, but also the normalization of gay and homosexual identities in society. I want my visitors to understand that this is a home that promotes love, positivity and individual freedom. I want my visitors to know that this is a safe and judgement free zone for them to express themselves comfortably in any way that they see fit. Most importantly, I want you guys to know that you are accepted and loved. You are beautiful. You are perfectly imperfect and that is completely ok. You are you for a reason and no reason at all. BE OPEN! BE PROUD!