My Sexuality Story

Greetings Gentle Beings!

Today, I want to disclose a piece of who I am with you. This topic is something that many people from different walks of life struggle with every single day. This topic is also something that people conceal about themselves because of judgement, ridicule and hate. I am here to tell you that today, nor any other day, is it necessary to hide or conceal who you are for the comfort of others. This is and always will be a safe space regardless of anyone else’s disagreement. So today, I have decided to be vulnerable with each and every one of you.

This is my sexuality story.

First, I think it is important to note that I identified as heterosexual for most of my adolescent, teenage and adult life. You read that correctly. I used to be HETEROSEXUAL. I previously engaged in intimate and/or romantic relationships with men.

I began to question my sexuality about 3 years ago (around 2018) while I was in a loving and long-term relationship with a man. I started to become “curious”, as they say, about nonheterosexuality. These thoughts made me feel bad because, well, everything in my life and relationships had been comfortable for me. Essentially, I thought I had no reason to be unhappy.

But the reality was—I was unhappy. I simply could not be satisfied with the man that gave me everything I could want and need. Then I began to notice a pattern within all my heterosexual intimate relationships—discontentment. Something was missing, and I knew exactly what it was. I was just too afraid to say it.

One day, I could not hold in how I felt anymore. I had been hinting at my sexual preferences for quite some time with my family and then boyfriend. It was time for me to break the ice. I called my boyfriend at the time and I said: “Hey, I have something to tell you and I do not know how you will take it. But, I am fully confident that I am BISEXUAL.” The other line went silent as I anticipated the absolute worst. I felt the shock and confusion in his voice. I felt his anger and disagreement.

Needless to say, our relationship did not last too much longer after that. It was honestly for the best for both of us. I did not feel the same attraction and love that he felt for me. Him and my previous partners deserve the energy and love they give. Those experiences taught me to accept my past as it was and grow from my mistakes because it will never be erased from my history. And that is also ok.

A year after this realization (around 2019), I engaged in an intimate and romantic relationship with a woman for the first time. I will not share too many details about this relationship, but it was a rollercoaster ride that I was glad to finally get off. However, I will say that the woman in question enabled me to become more in tune with my emotions as well as my sexuality. I never felt passion, adoration and love before her. It was like a fire that I just could not stay away from. At this point in my life, I am thinking: “I am undeniably attracted to this woman.” I did not even want to hide it. That is when I concluded that maybe I was attracted to women more than men. Even still, I was uncertain.

When our relationship ended later that year (2019), I found myself indulging in the self-love and contemplation I never knew I needed. I remained single for some time and occasionally indulged in casual relationships with women. Of course men still pursued me, but I did not take any particular interest in their advances. It was nice to feel wanted, but those men were not what I wanted for myself. I was looking for that spark—that fire I felt before.

After some much-needed self-discovery and self-care, I stumbled upon my lover and best friend the following year (2020). I have been in love with her ever since and I truly believe she is my soulmate. Every relationship has trial and error but this one is the one that is actually worth it. Before this point, I never experienced genuine happiness—genuine freedom—genuine comfort. I never felt so comfortable loving someone out loud and so unapologetically. It was something I WANTED to do—not something I HAD to do. At this point, I experienced a certainty within my sexuality that I never knew before.

Later that year (2020), I was ready. I knew who I was, what I wanted, and who I wanted. My decision to identify as LESBIAN came with much thought and consideration driven by MY OWN intrapersonal thought processes. I called my best male friend and I said: “You know what? I am CERTAIN I am a lesbian.” It felt so good to say. It felt so good to realize who I was after all these years of searching for the satisfaction I wanted and needed. It was over. But at the same time, it had only just begun.

I wanted to share this story with you all for several reasons. The biggest reason is to let you all know that SEXUALITY IS FLUID. This means that what you identify as today may be different tomorrow. This does not take away from your validity. Just because I had intimate relationships with men does not give anyone the right to invalid my sexuality. My journey contributes to who I am today. I can be a lesbian today and a bisexual tomorrow and I AM STILL VALID NO MATTER WHAT. We are humans that are meant to change and evolve whenever we want to and see fit. Another reason I shared this story with you all is for you to ACKNOWLEDGE AND BECOME COMFORTABLE WITH YOUR PAST. Our pasts may not be pretty, but our futures CAN BE. Finally, I want you all to BE PROUD. The life you get is yours to live. You are not here to please anyone but yourself. Eat what you want to eat. Do what YOU want to do unapologetically. Love who you want to love. If they do not pay your bills tell them to keep their feels! YOU ARE YOU FOR A REASON AND NO REASON AT ALL. OWN IT!